Denial
by DefrostingSteve
Summary: While Steve Rogers was frozen, stories about him were exaggerated and sensationalized causing the world to believe he is a perfect legend. After coming out of the ice, he can't face any issues he has, something which Tony Stark is pushing him to do.
1. Chapter 1

Steve and Tony hardly ever argued.

Sure, they had spats, little disagreements, debates, but they hardly ever _argued_.

So when they did, it affected everyone. Everybody who lived in Stark Towers, who visited Stark Towers, everybody within a ten mile radius was affected by Steve and Tony's arguments.

It always happened the same way. Something happened, they argued, they went at each other like wild dogs, then Steve would walk away. Steve would go away to think about what was happening, and while he was thinking about it, Tony would be taking it out on everything in his workshop, becoming more and more angry by the minute.

By the time they next met, Steve would apologize for what he'd done, which would crumble away all of Tony's anger and make him apologize for everything, even what Steve did.

In the space of a week, Tony and Steve would go from happy-lovey-dovey couple, to I-will-kill-you-and-get-away-with-it, to I'm-so-sorry-I-love-you, and everybody who came between them within this week would either be ignored (Steve was too focused on the fight) or insulted worse than ever before in their life (Tony).

Except, that didn't happen this time.

Nobody knew what was going on. Nobody knew what had happened. Nobody knew how to handle it.

Everybody was in the kitchen, apart from Steve and Tony. This was normal routine by now, even though Clint and Natasha didn't live there, all of the Avengers would eat breakfast in the kitchen, at roughly the same time.

Clint always appeared first, seemingly out of nowhere. He would snag up the box of Fruit Loops before somebody else got it and hide with it. Two minutes later, Natasha would walk into the kitchen, closely followed by Clint, who she was pulling along by his ear, squeezing the box of Fruit Loops closely to his chest.

By the time Bruce walked in, Clint would be sat at the table, his arms crossed, staring at Natasha. Natasha would be getting everything out ready for breakfast, often shooting Clint a quick glance to check he hadn't moved and hidden the box of cereal. When Natasha looked at Clint, he would stick his tongue out at her, to which her eyes would narrow that little bit more. Bruce saw this scene every morning, and loved guessing which part of Clint's body Natasha would hurt when she got the chance to. If Bruce guessed right, he could eat Pop Tarts for breakfast, if he guessed wrong, muesli.

Today, Bruce guessed right elbow.

At this point, Steve would normally walk into the kitchen, 8 am, right on the dot, thank Natasha for getting out all the plates and bowls and cutlery, pick out some high-protein breakfast, and settle down at the table. Steve never sat next to the same person, he would go to whoever he hadn't sat next to in a while, and everybody knew the chair on the other side of Steve was reserved for Tony.

Not today though.

At 8 am, Clint, Natasha and Bruce looked up at the kitchen entrance. When Steve didn't walk through it, Natasha immediately frowned. Walking past Clint, she punched him quickly on his right arm (Bruce shrugged and counted that as a win, reaching for the pop tarts) and went through the doorway Steve had yet to walk through.

"Pop tarts, again? Didn't you have them yesterday?" Clint asked Bruce as he subconsciously rubbed his arm.

"Guess I'm just lucky at the minute." Bruce smiled at himself. "I thought S.H.I.E.L.D. agents are supposed to be tough?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're still rubbing your arm." Bruce nodded towards Clint's hand, which was indeed still rubbing where Natasha had made contact with Clint's right arm.

"If Natasha ever punches you, come and tell me it doesn't hurt like fuck." Clint said as stood up to get the box of Fruit Loops again. He gasped suddenly, looking at his hand.

"Put the cereal down, Katniss." Tony said as he sauntered into the kitchen.

"What did you throw at me?!" Clint asked, his eyes wide with surprise.

"I don't know, something I had in my pocket, I'm just surprised I hit you-"

"Fuck you, Stark." Clint had crouched down, and stood back up with a little black rectangular object. "What is this?" Clint held up the object to the light. "It's see-through?" Bringing it down slightly, he frowned at it. "But not now…" What is this, Stark?"

Tony looked up from his bowl of Fruit Loops, mouth full of them. "What? Oh that. Experiment I'm working on, try chucking it at a wall."

Clint threw the unknown object towards the wall, expecting it to fall before it reached anywhere near the wall. Surprisingly, it hit the wall and bounced off it, even the rebound going further than Clint thought it would initially go.

Bruce leaned forward, squinting to look at the object. "I've never seen anything like this before." He said as he picked it up, turning it over in his hand.

"Holy shit, look at the wall!" Clint said as he turned his gaze upon Tony, raising his eyebrows.

Tony didn't bother looking, already knowing what he would see. Bruce poked his finger into the dent this small object had made. "Tony how did you make this?" Bruce asked, however Tony's attention was diverted as Natasha walked back into the kitchen. She looked at Tony, and something passed between them, and as he turned away from her, some emotion passed over his face for barely a second.

Clint and Bruce were still looking at the object, discussing what it could be and the possibilities of what it could do.

"Well Bruce it was quite simple…" Tony began as he moved to sit next to Bruce. Clint listened until the science terminology was too often spoken, then he moved to stand next to Natasha, who was leaning against the kitchen counter.

She looked up at him, frowning. "You went to get the Fruit Loops, didn't you?"

"Maybe." Clint smirked before Natasha elbowed him.

"It's manners to wait for everybody to be at the table, Barton." She looked up at him through her lashes, a look which Clint both loved and feared.

"Stark's eating them-"

"It's Stark's house, he paid for them."

"He doesn't even like them! He only eats them because it pisses me off."

Tony stopped his conversation with Bruce momentarily to say "HAHA" before continuing his explanation.

"Fuck you, Stark!"

Tony didn't even stop this conversation this time, he just turned his head slightly and winked.

"Clint, don't antagonize him, you only encourage him further." Natasha rolled her eyes as she turned around to turn on the coffee machine.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Clint asked quietly.

"You have the same training I do, let's see what you can deduce." Natasha raised her eyebrow at him as she turned back round to face him.

"Steve's not come down for breakfast, something he's never done before. Due to Stark's quick yet _joyfully_ playful mood, I'm guessing they've had an argument. Steve would only not come down if he knew no good would come of him and Tony being in the same room, which means it's a big one. Tony's been up all night, going by the bags under his eyes, which explains where that thing's come from – which, by the way, he threw at me! – but as he's here, he thinks he's right. He'll have thought about it all night without realising he's thought about it and now he wants a fight. He's not pissy, but he's angry, and hiding it. When you came in you looked at him, and he looked away, he knows what's happened and he feels guilty for his part in it, but he thinks he's right and that's why he's here now."

Natasha looked at him for a moment. "Steve's gone."

To anybody who didn't know Natasha like Clint knew Natasha, it would look like she wasn't fazed. But Clint knew Natasha inside out, back to front, and he knew that she worried - her brow was furrowed the smallest amount it could possibly be, something only Clint would notice.

"Where?" He asked, carefully making his voice seem normal so it wouldn't alarm her more. Natasha was hard and tough and kept every worry on the inside, just like Clint. If Clint showed his worry, hers would only increase.

"Jarvis doesn't know, apparently he left last night, at 9.16. Him and Stark had just come back from the cinema, Steve went straight upstairs, packed his bag and left. Tony went straight to the workshop. They didn't speak to each other."

"Call S.H.I.E.L.D., see if he went back to his old room."

Natasha pursed her lips. "I've already done that, idiot. That was the first thing I did. They don't know where he is, and seeing as we normally know his location, nobody's been tracking it. Tony took away his S.H.I.E.L.D. phone, so there's no point tracking that."

"What about his Stark phone?"

Natasha bit her lip slightly. "It was on his bed, crushed."

Clint swore under his breath. "This is bad. They never argue like this."

They both thought for a second, thinking of what could have happened. "We can't let Fury know we don't know his location."

Clint scoffed. "Like I'm gunna go singing and dancing about it."

"My money's on Stark." Natasha said, looking at Tony, who was still animatedly talking to Bruce.

Clint shook his head while Natasha was speaking. "No, even Stark knows his limits. This was something they've both done, if not if all being Steve's fault."

"If it was Steve's fault, he'd have apologized already and they'd have forgotten about whatever's happened." Natasha quickly said.

"You could just ask me what's happened." Tony said loudly, turning his attention from Bruce to the two spies.

"What did you do?" Natasha asked Tony outright, ignoring Clint who was walking away from her, whistling the tune of "SOS" by Rihanna.

"I love how you pin this on me."

Natasha walked up to Tony slowly. "I'd apologize, but that would be stupid. Steve's gone," That emotion that flicked across Tony's face before came back, this time long enough for Natasha to catch. It looked like Tony was in pain, and trying to hide it. Just as quick as it came, it went. Natasha continued, "You went out with him last night. You came back with him. Something happened, and now Steve's gone. What happened?"

Tony stood up slowly. "As much as you like to think it, he's not the man you think he is. He's not this image that he's been built up to be. He's stubborn as hell and he's a nightmare to be around. He's even worse than you, Barton." Tony turned to look at Clint, who was sitting on the kitchen counter, eating Fruit Loops straight from the box. "Steve is an idiot, let's face it he's a prick who's walking round with a stick up his backside." Tony stopped and looking Natasha directly in the eye. "You've made him out to be this hero, well done, now he thinks he's the stuff of legends."


	2. Chapter 2

"Hello, you have reached the life size decoy of Tony St-"

"Cut the bullshit Stark, Coulson told us you tried that on him. Seriously, 'life size decoy'?" Clint sighed and shook his head mockingly. "Your standards are slipping."

"Just like your courage is. Still not grown some and told Natasha you liked her?" Tony smirked as he cocked his head to the side.

Clint coughed as Natasha spoke into the phone. "Right here, Stark."

Tony looked into his top-of-the-range Stark phone, already regretting giving Clint one only yesterday. Clint had already video phoned him three times to ask him some question he already knew the answer to, just to distract Tony from his work. As he looked at the digitally perfect motion of Clint riding shotgun in the car, Tony's mock hate for Clint grew.

"Hello, Parker. You know, as you're driving Lady Penelope around, I can't help but question who wears the trousers in your relationship." Tony paused momentarily before smirking at Clint. "Food for thought."

"I feel secure enough with my sexuality to not have to do the stereotypical manly things just to reassure myself of what I am."

"Long word for you, Barton. Can you spell it?"

"Who wears the trousers in your relationship?"

"Wore. Past tense. Currently single, living life to the full, as they say."

"I wouldn't class holing up in your lab as "living life to the full". What happened between you and Steve again?"

"Oh, personal subject. Moving on."

Clint grinned, finally getting the reaction he wanted. "You asked to do a 69, didn't you?"

"Clint, I swear to god, I will break every bone in your body."

"Suit up, let's go a few rounds." Clint's smile grew, similar to the Chesire Cat's. "Bonus point if you can tell me which of your extremely short-lived partner said those words first."

"Die."

"Ouch. That hurt Stark, that really did. But I'd much rather sit here and make fun of you."

"Clint, enough." Natasha's voice came clear through the phone. "We rang you for a reason, we want you to come out for dinner tonight."

"No thanks, I'd much rather be, hm, anywhere else." Tony smiled quickly.

"I wasn't asking. Piccolino's, 7pm sharp. Don't be late." Natasha said before Clint hung up.

Tony stared at the phone for a moment, contemplating risking his life by not going tonight. Every possible theory he came up with finished with his life ending by Natasha's doing.

After five minutes of mental debate, Tony said "Shit" softly before signing and throwing his phone to the side, not caring where it landed.

"'Don't be late' Who does she think I am?"

* * *

Tony was an hour late.

Natasha closed her eyes, fantasizing about how she would kill Tony later on. She could sneak into his house, put poison in his blood, nobody would know it was her. No, that wouldn't give her the revenge and pleasure she wanted. Natasha opened her eyes, catching Clint looking at her from across the table. He smiled secretively, as though he knew exactly what she was thinking. He did, of course, he'd already thought about it. Twice.

Natasha turned her head slightly, taking in everything she could about Steve. He was drumming on the table quickly, his fingernails bitten. Looking at Steve, you couldn't tell anything was wrong with him. But Natasha knew Steve, and she knew he was a mess, even if his fingernails were the only thing to show it.

Steve felt Natasha's gaze on him and looked up from the burn on the table he had been staring at whilst being lost in a world of his own. He looked at his watch, before asking "Shouldn't the food be here by now? We ordered over forty minutes ago" which made Natasha raise her eyebrow. Steve, impatient? Never. He was definitely a mess.

"Do you want another drink, Steve?" Natasha asked quietly. He looked at her momentarily, before standing up.

"I'll go get it. Do you want anything?" Steve looked at the two spies before him.

Clint stood up, "I'll come with you" to which Steve smiled at and Natasha grew worried at. Clint would only bug Steve to find out the details.

She watched as the two men went to the bar, and was surprised when Steve was the first person to talk. She was too far away to hear what about, but she could tell from the body language it was personal. She sat still, analysing their body language as the conversation passed between them. Steve looked particularly upset at one point, however after Clint said something, Steve smiled slightly while shaking his head and touched Clint's forearm, saying what looked to Natasha like "Thank you".

When they came back to the table, Clint looked at Natasha pulling his Look-I-did-good-don't-worry face and she frowned back at him.

They continued with their small talk, until Natasha felt it was okay to bring up the fight.

"Are you okay, Steve?"

Steve looked at her, the question coming out of nowhere and not linking in any way to their conversation about sports.

"Erm, yeah, slightly gutted I owe Clint five dollars because his team won but-"

"No, Steve," Natasha rolled her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Oh. Yeah, I'm fine." Steve looked down at his drink, avoiding eye contact.

"Where are you staying now? We were all shocked when you suddenly weren't there at breakfast." Natasha was only slightly guilt-tripping him. Only slightly.

Steve frowned, licking his lips nervously. "One of my friends from the war, he was still here when I came back up. I went to go see him as soon as I could, I was dreading it but it was just like old times.' Steve smiled at that.

"Was?" Natasha pushed him. Clint glared at her from across the table, but she ignored him.

"He passed away a few months ago, left his house to me. He didn't have any family." Steve began twisting the bottle around in his hands.

This time it was Clint that questioned Steve. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Steve looked up at him, pausing before he said "I told Tony." Natasha and Clint shared a look. "I didn't feel like telling anybody else. A part of me felt silly, being upset over somebody I hadn't spoken to in 68 years."

"That's not silly, Steve, don't think that." Natasha said quickly. She was about to continue when a certain person walked into the restaurant. She jumped up before Tony could spot where they were sat and who they were with. Walking towards him, her face became stonier with every step.

Tony's eyes widened with panic. "Argh look Pepper called and I had to go to the meeting and I had to finish my work on Clint's new bow, I couldn't leave it half finished, and I couldn't get my buttons to fasten on my shirt so how about we don't kill me today?"

Natasha raised her eyebrow at him. "You were going to wear a shirt?"

"We're at my favourite restaurant in the whole world, I want to look nice for the people that serve me.' He winked at her before checking out her high heels, jeans, long sleeved shirt and cardigan, which Natasha noticed.

"Clint's wearing jeans and a t-shirt, does that meet your standards, Mr Stark?"

"Clint can wear whatever the hell he wants, he's your date."

"Oh yes, about that comment in the car.' Natasha smiled sweetly. 'If you, or Clint, think I haven't been aware of his feelings for me since I met him, you're both idiots." Natasha turned and walked back to their table.

Tony stood still for a moment. "Touchy, touchy." He said before following her.

Tony stalled slightly as he caught sight of Steve, but he continued and sat in the chair opposite him. Steve looked up from the conversation him and Clint were having, visibly tensing.

Nobody spoke for a moment. Of course, Tony broke the silence.

"Admitted it yet?"

"Tony…"

"I'm just saying, the first step is admitting you have a problem."

"Tony, don't. Not here."

"Where then? Not here, not back at Stark Towers, our _home_, not in the car, not in the fucking-"

"_Tony_!"

"Don't you dare chastise me for my language. Not after-"

"**Shut up**!"

Natasha looked at the two men, slightly taken aback. Tony was clearly angry, but there was something else there that Natasha couldn't put her finger on. Steve was a mixture of feelings, anger, frustration, embarrassment, which Natasha couldn't understand. Steve was surrounded by the people who trusted him with their life, and hopefully likewise, so why was he embarrassed?

Clint looked at the men and saw something different. He saw someone who was embarrassed, helplessly embarrassed, and someone else who was pushing him, pushing him too much, to talk.

Clint remembered something similar to this. Not a month after the big New York battle, something had happened to Clint. Everybody was in the living room, just watching a movie, and Clint flipped. He went around the majority of the floors, punching everything he saw and shouting things that even Natasha didn't fully understand. He didn't remember any of this, he only knows what Natasha told him about how reacted, how it scared everybody and how nobody knew what to do.

Natasha told him that Steve was the person who followed Clint round, talking to him. Eventually, Clint stopped.

Clint remembers going back into the living room, apologizing for the mess he'd made, and everybody asking him what was wrong.

Clint remembers Steve telling them all to leave him alone, and everybody going off to bed while Clint settled down into the couch.

Clint remembers Steve sitting down next to him on the couch, not mentioning anything about what just happened, and staying with him all night as Clint tried to figure out what was wrong with him. When dawn broke and the morning sun had filled the living room, Clint told Steve about a particular mission where there had been a specific code word that meant Clint had to do something he didn't want to do. He didn't tell Steve about what he had to do, and Steve didn't ask. Steve told him it was okay, and went off to do his morning jog.

Steve didn't push people and maybe that wasn't what other people thought was best, but it was Steve. He didn't make people talk, but they did anyway, because they knew they could to Steve. Perhaps they didn't tell him all the details, but that didn't matter to Steve.

When they all needed someone and was too proud, too private or even too afraid to admit it, Steve was there.

Now it was Steve's turn to need somebody.

Clint looked up at the person they all went to when they had a problem, and saw someone who didn't want to admit he had problems, because that meant giving something else for everybody to worry about.

"Steve, whatever it is, it's okay." Clint looked at Steve and knew Steve was remembering how he had said the same words to Clint.

"Listen to the spy, Rogers." Tony said through his teeth. "Just admit it, for fuck sake. You have a problem."

Steve looked away from Clint but couldn't quite look at Tony. "Just drop it, Tony."

"Okay then Capsicle, let's turn the spotlight onto someone else. Thought you'd have got used to it with all the pointless stage dancing you did but obviously not. Spies, your turn." Tony looked at Natasha first then Clint. Natasha narrowed her eyes, while Clint just rolled his.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Tony asked quickly, then clenched his jaw.

"Excuse me?" Natasha glared at him.

"You did this. You made him like this. You've turned him into this…" Tony looked at Steve then shook his head. "Shell. There's nothing inside him anymore. You've hallowed it all out to make sure you get the wage at the end of the week. Well done. Really, you deserve a medal. You've taken a good person, and reduced him to nothing."

"Tony. Outside. Now." Steve stood up, and when Tony didn't make any sign of moving, Steve grabbed his elbow. "I will not sit here and listen to you take your anger out on them. This is not their fault."

"Well then who's fault is it?" Tony shouted at Steve, making everybody in the restaurant turn to look at them.

"Fine. You want to hear it? This is all my fault. All of this is my fault and I don't know how to handle it and I don't know what to do. I can't handle it anymore and I can't take dealing with it every day." Steve's voice cracked at the end, causing him to clear his throat before he continued. "Is that what you wanted? Are you happy now?" He looked at Tony, looking for any reaction, but Tony was frozen. "Clint, Natasha, I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now."

Steve turned around and walked out of the restaurant. Clint and Natasha looked at each other, unsure of what to do, while Tony was still rooted to the spot. After two minutes, Tony looked down, fumbling with his fingers as he said "I'm sorry." He looked back up at the restaurant door and nearly ran out of it, going in the same direction Steve did.

"So…" Clint clapped his hands together. "Shall we really order now?"

"Yep. Get me the lasagne, someone ordered it earlier and it smelt gorgeous."


	3. Chapter 3

"Stark, I need your location."

There was no reply on the line.

"Stark, give me your location. The entire city's being attacked and you won't tell us where you fucking are!" Clint pulled off his earpiece and tapped it on the brick wall in front of him, as if that would solve the problem.

"HAWKEYE!" Natasha's voice thundered from the earpiece. Wincing slightly, Clint lifted it back up to his ear. "Stop looking for somebody else to clean up this mess and start killing these… Things."

"I am currently aiming an arrow that will take out three of these fuckers at once."

"No you're not, I can see you. You're stood with your hand on your hip frowning at the floor. Don't lie to me." Clint could practically hear the eye roll.

"That's scary." Clint turned 360 degrees clockwise. "I can't see you, and I'm _me_."

"Sorry I'm late, previous engagements, you know, sitting around doing nothing takes up a lot of your time." Tony's voice, clear as day, came through the earpiece.

"Finally came up for air, did you?" Clint smirked, knowing Tony would hear it in his voice even though he couldn't see him.

"I have no idea what you mean."

"Oh come on Stark, you either kidnapped Steve and took him back to your red room of pain, or you did something and made it even worse and now we'll never see Steve again. I hope it's the former, purely because I made a bet with Black Widow."

"You owe Black Widow money."

Clint swore and something huge flew past him. Turning around to look at it, Natasha was riding on some kind of hover-craft and was facing backwards briefly to grin at Clint.

There was no way to describe the monsters, because each one was different. One was ridiculously tall and unhealthily thin, with eight arms and one leg. At the end of its leg was a circular ball-type-thing that it used to move around on. Another was just a big, purple, bloated ball, that wherever it bounced left blue goo behind. Each one was different and there were roughly a hundred of them, travelling through the city in their own ways and means.

"I can clean this up, you guys might as well go home." Tony yawned to reinforce how easy this would be for him.

"We don't work like that and you know it. We'll split it up, North East South West. I'll work North, Hawkeye works East, you work South, and Hulk… We'll leave him to do his thing. Whoever finishes first gets to take out the ones left behind. Clear?" Natasha spoke clearly and calmly.

Tony paused for a moment. "God I do love it when you're bossy. Do you want to come back to my red room of pa-" Clint groaned loudly to cover up Tony's pointless flirting.

"Hands off Stark."

"I'm only doing what you daren't."

"Oh fuck off. Shall I go apologize to Steve because you daren't?"

Tony made a noise not un-similar to growling. "Why does everyone assume I'm the one that needs to apologize? That big piece of America Pie has issues okay, issues big enough that he won't come and defend the country he's named after. Can we fire him because I'm really not seeing the point of a Captain America that doesn't offend America. Just fire him, or freeze him, or whatever. I don't care."

"I'm here." Tony closed his eyes at Steve's voice. "I was caught up with some of these aliens outside S.H.I.E.L.D., couldn't get to my suit quicker."

Nobody spoke. They could have cut the tension with an arrow, something Clint was contemplating doing. Either the earpiece or his brain, both would end having to put up with this domestic.

After a moment Steve spoke up. "Nice plan, Black Widow. I'll handle West. We should all work our way out-to-in, work them into the centre and we'll finish them off there." Steve's voice was quiet yet firm.

Nobody spoke over the line as they all followed the plan. They battled their way through this new threat and pushed the attackers into the same point. They were nearly finished and all experiencing an adrenaline rush, which would explain why they remembered what happened next so clearly.

All the aliens were gone, and each Avenger was establishing the fact they had completed their mission. Turning around from the sea of dead bodies to look at one another, all was well.

For about two seconds.

Tony built up the courage to look at Steve, and Steve was rubbing his knuckles. It was no significant action, but Tony felt his chest swell with some emotion. Steve, feeling his gaze, looking up at Tony, and began to smile. Tony was about to smile back, when Steve's eyes rolled back into his head, and his body crumpled to the floor.

Behind Steve was one more alien, his arm still raised from hitting Steve.

Without thinking about what he was doing, Tony flew at the alien and crashed him into the wall behind. Before Tony could give this little _fucking fucker twat dick shfkwuebf _the beating of his life, an arrow pierced through where the aliens brain should be, and he was limp.

Tony turned to nod at Clint, but he was knelt down next to Steve, touching his arm. Clint stayed like that for a moment before moving his hand up to Steve's neck, lightly placing his hand under Steve's jaw. He bowed his head momentarily, before looking up at Natasha and shaking his head. Natasha began pacing straight away, one hand on her hip and the other pressing her earpiece to her ear, shouting instructions at Coulson. Tony heard a few words, '_hospital_', '_ambulance_', '_not moving_', '_no pulse_', but he was focused on the body of Captain America, _Steve Rogers_, laid on the floor, motionless.


	4. Chapter 4

Tony knelt down next to Steve, staring at his best friend, willing him to move. Clint and Natasha were talking, although Tony didn't know what about, he didn't care. At some point the word '**_dead_**' floated into his brain and bounced off every wall, pushing Tony to make some action.

"Forgot the ambulance, I'll take him." Tony moved to lift Steve up, but Clint pushed him back roughly.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Tony shouted in Clint's face.

"Did you see where Steve was hit?"

Tony frowned slightly. "No?"

"We can't move him. What if he, she, it, hit Steve hard enough to do damage? What if we move Steve now, and it makes his injuries worse?"

"What if it makes them better?" Tony replied quick as a whip.

Clint looked at him for a moment, "Do you really want to take that risk?"

Tony's his eyes moved back and forth as he thought of multiple theories. "Would you?"

Clint's eyes moved to focus on where Natasha was stood, still shouting at Coulson. Clint bit his lip and shook his head. "No. And I hope you wouldn't let me." They looked at each other, a silent argument passing between them until Tony nodded and knelt back down next to Steve.

Tony didn't dare touch Steve, in case he did in fact make his injuries worse. He thought back to all the battles they've thought, and tried to remember Steve ever being knocked out before. He couldn't. The worse injury Steve ever received was a broken leg and rib.

The sound of an ambulance stopped Tony's thinking. Looking up, the ambulance parked in front of the Avengers and two men immediately hopped out. Rushing to work, they put Steve in a cervical collar (neck brace) and loaded him into the back of the ambulance, ignoring Tony warning them, "If you hurt him, I'll hurt you."

As soon as Steve was loaded in, Tony jumped into the back and sat on the chair next to him, again not touching him in fear of hurting him.

Before the ambulance doors were shut, Tony saw Bruce come round the corner. As Bruce held up his baggy trousers, the worry was clear on his face, then the doors were shut and Tony turned back to look at Steve.

* * *

Tony can't remember the ambulance journey. He remembers the ambulance doors shutting, and opening, and nothing in between. The two paramedics rushed Steve out of the ambulance and into the… S.H.I.E.L.D. back entrance? As they wheeled Steve through the complex building, Tony would have normally been interested in this part of the building he'd never seen before, but right now he didn't care.

It was like a hospital, but much more efficient. Tony followed the paramedics as they took Steve into a room, doubling back to stop Tony going in after him.

Tony was dragged backwards until he was pushed down onto a chair, threatening the paramedics all the time. When he landed on the chair, he stood straight back up and went back to the door between him and Steve, but curtains were now drawn and the doors were locked somehow. Tony shouted at the door until Natasha appeared out of nowhere and pushed him back onto the seat.

"Stark, stop." Natasha's voice calmed down the panic inside Tony, if only slightly. "You're no good to him like this. Just stop, and breath."

Tony closed his eyes and sighed.

"Clint and Bruce are upstairs getting changed. They were going to come straight down, but Bruce's trousers had too many holes in them and Clint was covered in that blue goo. Fury ordered them to sort themselves out. I told them I'd notify them if anything happened."

Tony opened his eyes and looked up at Natasha with a million questions in his eyes. "Why have we come here? Wouldn't a proper hospital be better? That's probably blasphemy, slating off the house of Fury while in the house of Fury, but I don't really care."

Natasha smiled at him tightly. "I told Coulson to bring him here. These doctors have dealt with all kinds of injuries, they know what they're doing. Also, they're the ones that worked on Steve when they, you know, defrosted him. They're the best people for him right now."

Natasha stopped talking as Clint and Bruce walked in, wearing clean clothes. The three of them talked about what happened while Tony looked at the floor, the image of Steve falling replaying over and over in his mind.

The doctor had barely walked through the door before Tony was up on his feet, hounding him with questions.

"Is he okay? What's wrong with him? Can I see him? Is he awake?" Tony paused, looking at the doctor for reassurance.

"Steve is okay. He's not awake, we tried multiple actions and so far nothing has got a reaction out of him, but he's alive."

"Alive? Course he's alive, it's _Steve_." Tony said, as if the doctor was an idiot.

"We've had to induce a coma-" The doctor began but Tony cut him off.

"His metabolism's faster than anyone else's, your drugs won't work on him."

"We've used a higher dosage, it would kill anybody else but it's working on him."

Tony began to interrupt but the doctor raised his hand. "Please, sit down Mr. Stark, we'll talk about this properly."

Once they were all seated, Dr. Hastings began to explain what was happening to Steve. "Whatever this thing was that hit him, had a lot of strength. That amount of impact on anybody else would have killed them, you're lucky Steve Rogers had adapted as much as what he as from Erskine's serum." Tony thought _Thank you_ _Erskine_. "We couldn't control the amount of swelling on the brain, therefore we induced a coma to reduce the metabolic rate of brain tissue, as well as the cerebral blood flow. With these reductions, the blood vessels in the brain narrow, decreasing the amount of space occupied by the brain, and hence the intracranial pressure. The hope is that, with the swelling relieved, the pressure decreases and some or all brain damage may be averted."

As Dr. Hastings went further into detail, Clint and Natasha went upstairs to report to Fury, to write up their reports, and to fill in Coulson's knowledge of what was happening to his childhood-and adulthood-role model, leaving Tony and Bruce enthralled in the state Steve was in.

"How long will this last?" Tony asked as soon as Dr. Hastings had finished his explanation.

"We can keep him induced for as long as we want, as long as we keep his dosage at the necessary amount. When we think the time's right, we'll stop supplying the medicine and let the drugs in his system work their way out, until he wakes up."

"Again, how long will this last?"

"We'll monitor his progress and when he's recovered we'll stop injecting the anaesthetic into his body."

"Can you just give me a number please?" Tony clenched his teeth. God he hated it when people avoided answering the question, which was hypocritical of him to think, seeing as he did it every day to pretty much everyone he met, but he didn't care, this was Steve.

"We don't know, it all depends on how Steve's body handles this trauma and how long it will take it to heal."

"Fucking hell, Steve actually admitting a problem and healing it? We'll be here for years." Tony automatically felt guilty. He was hitting out at the one person he wanted to protect right now. How was he supposed to protect Steve when there was nothing he could do? Tony felt useless.

Bruce watched Tony as he ran his hands through his hair, stood up and walked to the door Doctor Hastings had come through. Tony looked through it but the curtain was still drawn.

"Can I go in?" Tony turned to Dr. Hastings and Bruce was shocked, both by Tony actually asking permission to do something and the look on his face – It was as if it was paining Tony not to be next to Steve.

"Yes." Tony went to open the door, however Dr Hastings' voice stopped him. "Mr. Stark, it takes everybody different amounts of time to heal. Like I've told you, anybody else would have died from such an impact, however, like you told me, this is Captain America. I can't tell you how long it will take him to heal, but I'd bet my money on it taking him less than a month."

Tony's hand slipped from the door. "A month? What if those alien things come back? What if Loki comes and decides he's going to kill everyone, just because his dad said no to him having sugar in his tea? Anything could happen in a month, we need Steve."

"There's nothing I can do, you have to let the body heal. I understand Steve is an important part of the Avengers, however you need to understand that if you don't let him heal now, he never will."

Tony closed his eyes and leant his head against the door. A month without Steve, without Steve running his fingers in Tony's hair, or rubbing circles into the bottom of Tony's back, or blushing at the majority of the things that came out of Tony's mouth, or bringing Tony meals at half past two in the morning, or making Tony go to bed after he hadn't slept in three days, or sitting in the corner of Tony's lab silently drawing Tony in that sketch pad he wouldn't let Tony see no matter what Tony blackmailed him with, or ordering everyone about on a mission, or getting up early on a Sunday to make breakfast for everyone, or settling pointless arguments between Clint and Tony, or talking to Natasha about things he didn't go to anyone else about, or asking Bruce about something in this modern day he hadn't yet wrapped his head around.

Tony felt lost already.

"Woah, what's up with him?" Clint asked as he walked back into the room, hands full of, what looked like to Tony, the contents of the vending machine around the corner.

"Is everything okay?" Natasha, who was behind Clint, now took a step forward towards Tony. "What's happened?"

Tony knew he was being silly. A month was easy. He'd gone months without leaving the lab before, he was pretty sure he could handle a month without Captain America's spangly boots walking around his home.

Yet the thought of being at home without Steve being there saddened him even more.

'Stupid.' Tony thought to himself. 'People go decades without seeing each other, you're being ridiculous now, just because you won't hear Steve speak or see him move for a month is nothing.'

"The doctors said Steve could be-"

Bruce cut across Tony. As Tony had begun talking, Bruce had seen that expression on his face again, where he looked like he was in pain because he wasn't with Steve right now. "I'll tell them, you go in." Tony looked at Bruce, acknowledgement passing between them.

Dr. Hastings stood up. "I'll show you where to go." Tony went through the door and Dr. Hastings followed him.

On the other side of the door was a passageway, with several doors leading off from the corridor. "How many people are here?" Tony asked, frowning at the doctor.

"We don't just treat the Avengers. This hospital is the best in the country, in fact the world, for certain illnesses and injuries. We have to keep this side locked, the people we have hidden away in here…" Dr. Hastings said to Tony, who liked to think that was a joke.

They reached a door with the number **221** next to it and Dr. Hastings gestured for Tony to go in.

"Don't worry Mr. Stark, this is Steve, he's going to be fine." Dr. Hastings said before turning and walking back down the labyrinth of corridors they had just walked up.

Tony took a deep breath. He was scared to go in, what if Steve looked different? Tony knew he wouldn't, but what if he did? What if they did something to Steve, ran some test or other, that showed up afterwards to show Steve wasn't right? Tony had seen so many good men bruised and battered and defeated, he didn't want to see Steve like that.

He opened the door slowly and looked at the room. It was simple, the bed was against the centre of the wall facing the wall the door was on, there was a small cupboard on the right side of Steve's bed and on the left was all the medical equipment, drips and machines. At the foot of Steve's bed was a table, which had a chair next to it.

Tony took the chair and placed it next to Steve's bed, turning it round so when he sat down, he was sat on it backwards. He propped his elbows on the back of the chair and finally looked up at the man he loved.

Of course, he was as aesthetically-pleasing as what Steve Rogers normally was. There were no markings or wounds or injuries, Steve looked just like he did when Tony had last seen him.

Tony froze, remembering all the harsh things he'd said to and about Steve in the past few days. He signed, looked down at his own linked hands, and for the first time in a long time, he felt like crying.


	5. Chapter 5

(I just want to say thank you to you all for the reviews, I appreciate the feedback and the knowledge that people are actually interested in the story and like my work.

I know that Tony's out of character in this, I am really sorry, I find him hardest to write. Again, I apologize for the out-of-character-ness.)

* * *

If anybody asked Tony about what the next few days were like, he laughed it off and told them it was nothing unusual in the life of the Avengers.

In reality, they were the worst days of his life.

* * *

On the first day, Tony sat next to Steve and told him about all his past memories of being in a hospital.

"I hate hospitals. I'm sure you got that, you've seen me go to meetings to avoid coming to the hospital, and I hate meetings. On a scale from 'running out of coffee' and 'going to meetings', going to the hospital is worse than meetings." Tony paused momentarily.

"The last time I came to the hospital, I think I was 12. I broke my wrist, I'll spare you the blush by telling you how, but it was painful. Mum wouldn't let me mend it with this home-hospital machine I'd made, and made me come here. We had to wait for half an hour. Half an hour! I was disgusted. And that was just the beginning of the nightmare…" Tony trailed off into his story, which he followed with tales set before that one.

On the second day, Tony had his tablet (He asked Natasha to get it for him before she came back to S.H.I.E.L.D.) and he researched things all day to tell Steve about.

"What to Google, what to Google… Some people say Google's better than Bing, can you believe that? Wait, do you know what Google is?" Tony smiled at the thought of Steve's confused face that he pulls when Tony springs technology on him. "Let's research you! Okay, so this says all the usual stuff, 'Steven Grant Rogers, born July 4th 1922'. Considering you're 93, doesn't that make you the cradle-snatcher? Remind me to tell Clint that later." Tony flicked his finger across his tablet screen. "Stony? What's that?" Tony paused as he took in the image on the screen. "We might have to try that position when you wake up."

On the third day, Tony held a meeting through his phone and afterwards spent the rest of the day moaning about said meeting.

Tony walked into the room on his phone. "Pepper, stop. I'm not with Steve on a night because you said I need to get some rest, and the only reason that worked is because you blackmailed me." … "Saying you'll tell Steve about the what I've got in my bottom draw is classed as blackmail." … " No need to get defensive, I was just stating..." … "We've come off track. I'm only allowed to be with Steve during the day because _somebody _blackmailed me. Don't take my days away from him as well." … "Just because he can't talk doesn't mean he can't hear." Tony replied quieter than he spoke before. There was a pause before Pepper carried on talking. "No Pepper I don't want to go to a meeting. I'll double your salary if you go instead of me!" … "I can't decide if that's genius or idiotic." … "I guess I'm going to go with genius." … "Watch it Miss Potts or I'll pick idiotic." … "Fine okay I'll video call them. Goodbye." Tony ended the call with Pepper, turning to Steve. "Can you believe this?" He brought up 'Stark Industries', rested his elbow on the bottom of Steve's bed and placed his chin on his knuckle. "Gentlemen let's keep this quick, I have plans."

On the fourth day, Tony just sat there.

When he walked in he was acting strange. He was quiet, moving slowly, cautious with all his actions. For the past few days Tony had been practically jumping into the room and throwing his things all over the place. Today, he sat down and fiddled with his thumbs, never saying a word.

On the fifth day, Tony Stark apologized.

Again, he walked in cautiously, sat down and began fiddling with his thumbs. "I had a nightmare… I've had it every night after coming to the hospital, and at first I just ignored it, I have nightmares all the time, this is nothing new." Tony bit his lip, remembering what happened in last night's dream. "Every night they've got worse. Going back to Stark Towers, without you there, it's not the same. I know it's only been five days, but nothing feels right." Tony sighed, closing his eyes, he leaned forward whilst running his fingers through his hair.

"You die, in all of them. The first one, you just died when that _thing_ hit you, you just fell and died and… Stopped. In the second one, you died on the way to the hospital. No pain, no feeling, peaceful. The third dream… They operated you and you died on the table. You, Captain America, died in surgery. I almost laughed at myself for that one." Tony smile was a ghost of a smile as he eyes looked down. He appeared to age within seconds, his eyes taking a sunken, haunted look, and his mouth becoming firm yet down-turned at the corners. "Last night… " Tony seemed hesitant. "…You woke up. You told me about this dream you had about Peggy, and how happy you felt to see her again. Then… You died. Not peacefully this time. You were choking on what seemed like nothing, on air, barely getting out the words to scream for my help… And there was nothing I could do Steve, I just _watched_ you die." Tony looked up, snapping out of his recollection.

"Steve wake up. Please, just wake up. I'll do anything, please just… Let me know you're still alive, you're still here, still with me." Tony's voice cracked at the end as he begged for Steve to open his eyes. "Steve…" Tony buried his head in the crook of his arm, which was folded near Steve's elbow.

He stayed like that before sitting up and wiping his hand down his face. Tony leant back, trying to appear nonchalantly with what he was saying. "Steve, I don't know if you can hear this, if you can… I didn't mean what I said. I didn't mean to say all those things. I just opened my mouth and they flew out, they were the wrong words to say, I know that. You know I have verbal diarrhoea, I can't control it, I just… Freaked out, I guess."

Tony fiddled with his thumbs again as he brought up the one thing Steve didn't want to talk about and Tony was nervous about mentioning, whether Steve could hear it or not.

"That night, day, whatever time you call it, it was dark. I didn't know that would happen but even if I did I don't think I could have prepared myself for that. The strongest person I know, being ripped apart. I don't think anybody can prepare themselves to see the strongest person they know, breaking down and becoming the weakest, right in front of their eyes."

Tony thought back to the beginning. "I keep thinking, if I'd have gone to the bank earlier, like you said, or made you wait outside, like the manager said, none of this would have happened. Sure, I'd probably have a cold but I'd have you by my side making me better. Nobody would turn that down.

"I've heard of banks having electricity problems before, and I know about the vault locking itself shut as a last-attempt at the bank protecting the money in the safety deposit boxes, but I've never known people to get locked in them before. That'll be one to tell the kids, 'We got locked in a vault'." That ghost of a smile came back onto Tony's face as he looked at Steve, thinking Steve would be smiling along with him.

"As soon as the heating went off, you gave me your jacket. Always the gentleman Steven." Tony tutted, trying to use humour to cover up his feelings. "You didn't think we'd be in there long, your faith in anything with the word 'America' in it is ridiculous, even 'The Bank of America'. 'Won't be long, Tony.'" Tony imitated Steve's voice poorly. "'They'll fix it soon.' You said. Yeah course they did Steve, not like we were in there for four hours. Not like we could see each breath we took more and more as the minutes went by. Not like we were both shivering. Well-" Tony cut himself off, he couldn't talk about the next part, it still hurt to imagine.

"I didn't understand at first, you were shivering worse than me. I understood it after, when I was in the lab. You weren't shaking because you were cold, you were shaking because you were having a panic attack."

Tony stopped, waiting for Steve to tell him to shut up. When he didn't, Tony carried on. "Not to make this all about me, but that was awful. I've seen a lot of things in my time, and trust me on this, that's one of the worst, if not the worst. Steve, you were shaking. I couldn't calm you down and you wouldn't listen to anything I said. You just kept pacing the room, telling me you had to get out before the ice got you. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what would help… So I just stood there. Just like in my dream last night. I just stood there and watched you work yourself up more and more while I did nothing, and I am so sorry. Please believe me, I am so sorry for that Steve." Tony stopped talking again, breathing slowly as he tried to calm himself down.

"Steve, I know I'm an arse, I know I'm hard work to be with and I know I'm not worth you. You were right, other men are worth ten of me. But I want to be worth ten other men, for you. I want to be worth you. I want to deserve you. I want to help you through this, just like you've helped all of us through our own problems. You think you're alone and you have to face this by yourself, you don't. We all have issues and fucked up shit going on, and you're normally the one to help us through that, so please let us help you."

Tony stopped talking, and went back to replaying the scene in his mind.

"You're scared of going back to the ice, but you need to know that won't happen again. If anything happens, we'll get you and kill whoever did it to you. Maybe not kill, you wouldn't agree with that, but definitely let the Hulk out on.

"You're one of us. You're the leader, whether you see it or not, we couldn't cope without you. Already we're a miss and you've been sleeping for a few days. Clint's not done any of his paper work, Natasha's getting stressed over Clint and nobody knows how to calm her down. How do you do that? You need to show me the trick to do that. Bruce is worrying about you and it's causing him to Hulk out more than normal. We haven't had any deaths so far, don't worry, he's handling it. We think Coulson is crying into the original comics he has of you. I told him not to, he'll lower the selling price, so he threw one at me. Fury's Fury. I don't think that man has any emotions anyway, but if he did, he'd be worrying. You're his shining star.

"And me… I'm…" Tony tried to think of a way to summarise how he felt. "I'm slowly falling apart. I told you, nothing feels right without you at home. I can't do anything and normally I can do everything, twice.

"So stop thinking you don't fit in with us, or you're dispensable. You're the exact opposite Steve, you just don't see it."


	6. Chapter 6

"Tony? Tony, wake up." Natasha's voice slowly intercepted into Tony's dream, waking him from the depths of his sleep.

Tony had fallen asleep at the hospital. He was still sat on the chair, and had his arms crossed on Steve's bed, which he had also rested his head to sleep.

He hadn't meant to fall asleep at the hospital. Honestly.

Tony looked up at Natasha, squinting his eyes. "I refuse to talk until I've drank coffee."

"The doctor wants to talk to you, he says it's about Steve."

Tony looked at her face, trying to figure out if this was good or bad. Either because of him only just waking up, or not having any coffee, Natasha's face was unreadable.

Tony yawned, stood up and stretched. Running his tongue over his teeth and grimacing at the feel of them not being brushed, he pulled a face before walking out of the door. On the first day, Tony had got lost with all the corridors this place had, however now he knew his way about better than some of the nurses.

Natasha didn't bother trying to make conversation with Tony as they walked down to the waiting room. She'd lived with him long enough to know he is not a morning person, and trying to talk to him would be pointless. Until he drank some coffee, Tony had no brain.

Natasha walked through the waiting room doors first. When Tony walked through he was surprised to see everybody standing there; Natasha, Clint, Coulson, Fury, Bruce, even Thor, though Tony had no idea he was even on Earth.

"Man of Iron! It has been too long since we last met! I am full of sorrow that we are gathering under such conditions, however I am pleased to see you. How is the good Captain?" Thor's voice boomed in the room, just like Thor's voice always did.

"That's what we're here to discuss." Dr. Hastings sat down on one of the chairs and gestured for everybody else to do the same. "I believe Steve has recovered from his head injury. This means we can stop giving him drugs, and as soon as they've worn off, he'll wake up."

Everybody in the room turned to look at Tony. They'd seen him looking miserable for the past two weeks, first the fight with Steve then having to trail to the hospital every night and day, and they wanted to see their team mate, their friend, looking happy.

They weren't disappointed. Tony's face changed dramatically, worry lines disappeared and his body seemed to ease as some of the tension left it. "He's okay?"

"Yes, he's exactly how he was when we first took care of him. Steve is now the perfect example of what 'healthy' is, again." Dr. Hastings smiled at Tony. "However, I wanted to talk to you about a few things before we go in. Sometimes, coma patients have side effects that can last for weeks. These side effects are sometimes untreatable, however for the majority of the cases there is something we can do to help."

"What side effects do you think will effect Steve?" Tony asked, the frown lines that had just disappeared settled back on his face.

Dr. Hastings smiled again. "You've asked the right question. I don't think any of them will affect Steve, I think it is something we, you, should be aware of. Just in case."

Dr. Hastings went on to talk about confusion, anxiety and fear; however Tony had stopped paying attention and was in his own world. He was paying enough attention to notice when the doctor had finished talking and quickly stood up. "Can we go now?"

"We've already removed the drip. Steve will wake up as soon as his body has removed the last of the medication."

Tony went off to Steve's room, wanting to be there when Steve woke up, and left the rest of the Avengers chatting behind.

He was settled into his chair again and had just begun talking when Clint walked into Steve's room. Tony stopped talking and coughed, not wanting anybody to know he was talking to somebody who couldn't hear him, but Clint looked at him in a way that Tony knew he wasn't fooling anyone.

"What's up Hawkass?" Tony smiled at his favourite nickname.

"Someone's in a good mood. Warn the news stations, we've just got used to your last mood." Clint smiled back at Tony before handing him the cup he was carrying. "Thought you might like some coffee."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" Tony said as he quickly took the coffee and downed half of it, burning off the majority of his taste buds in the process.

"I'm not trying to get involved in your relationship, " Clint paused, giving him time to watch Tony's reaction to his words. "I just want to talk, well tell, you something."

Tony hesitated before saying "Go on."

"Steve freaked out about something, I don't know what and I don't want to know, but the way he acted when you brought it up reminded me of the way we've all acted in certain situations. We've all had our fair share of freak outs, and we all have something that causes us to do things we don't want to do."

They looked at each other, both knowing they were thinking about the same thing.

"What's your point?" Tony asked.

"Be careful. Whatever you've said before now hasn't helped Steve, and if you're not careful you're going to push him. You're either going to push him into doing something, or you're going to push him away from you. Nobody wants to see you two end because you didn't know how to help Steve with something he helps us with every day."

"I detect a hint of a threat here."

"Glad you caught onto that. I haven't told any of the others about this and what I've assumed has happened, but I'm sure they've guessed it for themselves. We all love you Tony, but if you don't sort your shit out and figure out how to help Steve, and make him feel worse, we will have something to say about it."

Tony was about to flip off Clint when something clicked, and he understood properly. This wasn't a teammate looking out for a broken heart, this was a friend making sure somebody who deserved help got it.

"Thank you."

Clint frowned at him. "I just threatened you, and you're thanking me?"

"You understand, better than I did."

"We'll see if you're still thanking me when I'm calling dibs on giving you a black eye."

Tony looked at Clint, and nodded. Clint nodded back, stood up and walked out of the door. Just before the door shut, Doctor Hastings came in.

"He should be waking up now, I'm just coming to check up on how he's doing." Dr. Hastings told Tony before going over to the many machines in the corner. Not long after, Dr. Hastings walked over to Tony and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Steve's going to wake up very soon. He's going to be disoriented at first, try to help him. Ask him basic facts about himself, jog his memory. I don't think he'll have any side effects, the only concern I have is later on he won't remember the next few days, however even that happening is only slight. Both this man's body and mind is remarkable."

"Oh trust me, I know." Tony realised that sounded a lot dirtier than how he meant it, but he didn't care. If he was honest, he meant it to sound like that.

The doctor left him to Steve, and Tony sat there, waiting.

Just waiting.

He wasn't sure how long he was sat there, leaning forward with his elbows propped on his knees, and once he saw Steve's finger twitch he didn't care.

Tony moved his chair even closer, taking one of Steve's hands in his own.

"Steve?" Tony said tentatively.

Steve's eyes fluttered before Steve squeezed them shut. "Tony?" He whispered, his voice hoarse. He opened them and turned his head, looking for the man he loved.

Tony squeezed Steve's hand. "Right here."

Steve finally laid his eyes on Tony's, and Tony will never forget the expression on Steve's face. Steve looked so happy, as if he'd found something he'd been looking for, something he missed, something he…

Loved.

Steve's face was an expression of love. That one word wasn't enough to describe it, yet it was as simple as that. Steve's face was full of love and Tony couldn't bear it.

"How can you look at me like that? After everything I said, how I acted… I don't deserve you to look at me like that." Tony wanted to look away from Steve but he couldn't, the look on his face was too much to tear his eyes away from.

"Tony." Steve's voice was hoarse, yet Tony could hear all Steve's emotions behind it. "I love you."

Tony looked at him for a moment. "What? That's all you've got to say?"

Steve smiled slightly. "There are a lot of things I don't understand right now. Like where I am, or how I got here, or what's happened to make you look so… Upset. But the one thing I do know is, the one thing I'm absolutely sure about and always have been, is the fact that I love you."

Steve said it with such conviction; Tony was swept up in the feeling for a moment.

Tony shook his head and told Steve "I'll never understand how, or why, you fell in love with me, but I'll never take it for granted. Your love, you, brings out the best in me, makes me want to be a better person. I don't deserve you Steve, but I want to. I love you so much it hurts, and I've realised it now more than ever. I'm nothing without you Steve."

Steve slipped his hand from Tony's and cupped it around his neck, slowly guiding Tony's head up to his. When they were nose-to-nose, Steve moved forward and Tony met him halfway, bringing their lips crashing together. Steve's tongue lingered on Tony's lips, tracing the outline as Tony moaned into his mouth.

"Tony, I love you." Steve whispered against Tony's lips. "Before we do anything else, please, tell me what happened."

Tony looked into Steve's eyes. "What do you remember?" Their lips were still close enough that when they spoke, they touched.

"The last thing I remember is getting ready to go to battle. I was fighting these things outside S.H.I.E.L.D…. Did they do something to me?"

Tony sighed. "Move over soldier, I'll tell you everything that happened."


	7. Chapter 7

**Denial**

"Hey Steve, how you doing?" Natasha asked as she walked into Steve's room. Steve was sitting up in his bed, reading this mornings newspapers, looking as healthy as any other day. She sat down on the chair next to his bed, crossing her legs and placing her arms on her legs, crossed at the wrist.

"Hey Nat." Steve smiled what Natasha liked to class as Steve's 'Big BIG smile'. She had a pet name for all of Steve's facial expressions, although the majority of them were smiles.

"How are you feeling? Any headaches, strange sensations, nightmares?"

"Nope, nope and none I'm not used to. I'm just sick of seeing this damn room." Steve looked at her in a way that showed he wanted her to understand. She did. Oh boy, she did. She'd seen enough hospital rooms to last her a lifetime.

"You should be allowed out soon. Have the doctors discussed with you when you'll be discharged?"

"They said they were doing final check-ups on me, as soon as the results come back I can go." Steve stretched while yawning. "I can't wait to get back into the gym, feel like I'm wasting my time in here."

Natasha smiled at Steve's restless attitude. "I wanted to talk to you, without Stark hovering over you to hear what I've got to say. I'm sure I'd receive some remark about showing emotions for once."

Steve smiled back at her, fully understanding that underneath her cold exterior, Natasha had emotions just like everybody else, and was even willing to talk about them with you, as long as she felt like she could. Steve didn't know the only two people Natasha showed her emotions to were him and Clint.

"Do you remember my reaction to the ballet film we watched a few months ago, The Red Shoes?" Natasha asked him.

Steve paused, taken aback by the topic of conversation. He nodded stiffly, "Of course."

"I never, verbally, thanked you for… Helping me-"

"Nat, don't thank me for that, it was nothing."

"It might seem like nothing to you, but it meant everything to me. I've never, experienced, anything like that before." Natasha was talking slowly, deliberating over her words before she spoke. "I'm not sure what came over me, I just felt… Shaken."

Steve spoke softly. "Nat, you didn't do anything wrong. You were sat there, not moving, frozen. It was my fault for touching you."

"You tried to hug me and I had you in a choke within a heartbeat. If Clint hadn't of stopped me…"

"But he did, and that's all that matters." Steve's voice was earnest. "All you did was cry. It's okay to cry, there's nothing wrong with that."

Natasha shook her head at him. "But I didn't know that then. I've always been collected and then I felt uncontrollable. I lost control of myself and that is the one thing you should always have control of." She looked down at Steve's hand and placed hers over it. "I told you that night that all those feelings had been building up inside of me, and I've always learnt to supress them. You were the person that told me I could cry, that letting out your emotions isn't weak. It doesn't sound like a lot Steve, but you helped in more ways than you can imagine."

Steve looked at her, smiling slightly. "I didn't think being a friend deserved such gratitude."

"You can be friends with someone without ever really being there for them. You're more than that Steve, you helped in a way nobody else has before, I can't ever thank you enough for that."

Steve squeezed her hand, "Anytime."

Natasha leant forward, kissing Steve's forehead. "Thank you." She whispered, before heading towards the door.

Steve barely had time to think about that before Clint walked in. "Is Nat okay? She looked upset."

"She's fine, we were just talking." Steve said as he motioned towards the chair, offering it to Steve. Clint ignored it, and sat on the end of Steve's bed.

"Where you talking about…?" Clint left the sentence open but Steve knew what he was talking about.

"Yeah. She hasn't brought it up before, I was a bit surprised." Steve admitted.

"You helped her a lot, you know that?"

"I think that was the point she was making."

"You might not believe it, but the difference in her since you talked to her, it's… I can't think of the right word to say. They all sound like how she was before was wrong." Clint frowned slightly, trying to think of the right word. After a few seconds he shrugged. "You helped her and made her into a more comfortable person, with other and with herself."

"She wasn't comfortable before?" Steve asked, surprised.

"I don't know exactly what she says or how she acts with you when you're in private, but she doesn't say or act like that with anybody else. I can tell, when she comes away from you after you two have had one of your mother's meetings, she's happy."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Steve inquired.

"She feels like she can be herself around you. She feels like that with me, but with you it's in a different way."

"What do you mean?"

"I think she feels the way I do around you. We're both comfortable around each other, but at the end of the day we're both still spies. We're both taught to analyse everything. We know when something's wrong and we push until we figure out what. That's why the missions are good, they give us time away from each other. I love her to bits, but sometimes you need that. You can't help how you are.

"Around you, we can be ourselves without worrying about what you're thinking about it. I know I can come to you with any problem I've got. If one of us were upset, we could sit with you for hours, and you wouldn't push us into talking about it. You would ask what's wrong, but only once. You don't push, and that's what pulls us to you."

Steve looked down at his hands. "I don't know what to say. I don't do anything for any reason, I just be me."

Clint chuckled slightly. "I'm saying you're a good person Steve, and I won't ever let you forget that." Clint stood up, meaning to leave. Just before he opened the door, Steve spoke.

"Thank you."

"You kidding me? Thank you."

With two spies now come and gone, both leaving behind strange conversations, Steve was thinking everything through. He was thinking so hard he didn't hear Bruce come in.

"Ah, Steve? Do you mind if I sit here, for two minutes?" Bruce asked humbly.

"No, course not." Steve smiled at Bruce as he sat down. "Are you here to give me a pep talk as well?"

Bruce smiled back at Steve. "I didn't know we'd all been part of the same brainwave."

"It's fine, I'm only finding it slightly embarrassing." Steve joked, subconsciously rubbing his arm as he did so.

"How are you finding adapting from the coma?" Bruce asked, finding the idea fascinating to investigate.

"Doctor Hastings told me there were several side effects that could take place, but I've experienced none of them. I even remember waking up clearly, which I don't understand." Steve's tone changed at the end, capturing Bruce's interest more.

"Why don't you understand it?"

"With the serum, my body is 'the peak of human perfection', but not my brain. I understand that my body can adapt quickly, what I don't get is why my brain's adapted so quickly."

"I wouldn't worry about it Steve. There are cases where the patient has had no effects from the coma, just like you. It's not something that shouts out as being wrong, just something that's rare."

Steve bit his lip, looking down.

"You have another question?" Bruce asked tentatively.

"I think, I'm not sure though, it's probably just me imagining things or a dream I had-"

"Steve? What is it?"

"It was just Tony's voice, talking to me, telling me… Things that needed to be said but I wouldn't let him before."

Bruce looked down at his joined hands before looking back up. "From the amount of times Tony was in here, and going by how you two were acting before this, I think what you heard was actually Tony. Sometimes things slip through, that's definitely not strange. It's likely that when your drugs began to wear off, you heard what was being spoken to you."

Steve thought about it momentarily before nodding his head. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"Piece of mind."

Bruce laughed. "The amount of times you've given me piece of mind after the other guy's come out, I still owe you a couple hundred talks."

"I didn't want to ask the doctor, I felt silly." Steve admitted, blushing softly.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment." Bruce dipped his head forward slightly before standing up. "If there's ever anything else you want to ask me about, you're always welcome to, Steve."

"Thank you, I appreciate that." Steve smiled, for what felt like the 100th time that day.

"I've got chocolate and coffee! I'm calling dibs on the coffee." Tony announced as he walked into Steve's room. He took in the serious look on Steve and Bruce's face, and began to panic. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Tony. Everything's fine." Steve patted the bed, indicating Tony to sit there. "What chocolate have you brought?"

"White, of course, your favourite."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" Steve asked whilst plucking the chocolate out of Tony's hand.

"Many times. So often I get sick of hearing it." Tony smiled at Steve, the corners of his eyes crinkling in the process. "Want some coffee, Bruce?"

"No thank you, I was just leaving. I'm going to go talk to the doctor about different brain reactions." Bruce looked at Steve, smiling slightly, to which Steve smiled back. Tony didn't realise this interaction, he was downing the coffee.

"Tony, what have I told you about drinking hot coffee?" Steve asked as he tapped the coffee cup.

"Alright mom." He lowered the coffee cup enough to stick his tongue out at Steve. "I'm sorry I'm late, Pepper made me go to a meeting and wouldn't let me hold it in here again."

"You held a meeting in here?" Steve began laughing at the thought.

"Video phone, obviously." Tony cocked his head to the side, winking. "So, how you feeling?"

Steve thought about what everybody had said to him today, trying to figure out what was the best way to summarise how he felt about it all. "I feel happy, content even. I feel at home."

"Jeez, you feel at home in this place? We need to get you out of here right away." Tony smirked before he turned serious. "You really feel like that? You don't feel… Misplaced, anymore? Literally feeling like 'The Man Out Of Time'?" Tony frowned, unsure that he wanted to hear Steve's reply.

Steve took Tony's hand in his, bringing it to his mouth to kiss it. He looked at Tony, before saying slowly "I feel like I belong."

Tony smiled at him for a moment, before the smile slipped slightly. "I never understood, why my dad hated me so much-"

"I've told you before, if I knew your dad when he had you, when he treated you like that-"

"That's the thing, if you would have been there, he wouldn't have. You've said before, the way I've spoken about him is completely different to the man you knew. My dad, after he lost you, he changed. He lost you so he tried to turn me into you."

Steve frowned at him. "He shouldn't have done that."

"We're not going into what he should or shouldn't have done, we'll be here all night. That's not my point. My point is, after he lost you, he turned into an ass. That's what I didn't get before, but I do now, I see that."

"You understand that? What made you understand how he could treat you how he did and become such a different person?"

"The thought of losing you. I thought you'd gone forever, that I'd lost you just like he did, and for a few days, I understood how he spent all his life looking for you, or moulding me into the shape that only you filled. Nobody could ever replace you."

Steve looked at him, looking into his eyes for something he couldn't find. "You think this is just me, that only I could get that type of response."

"Yes."

"No. You're wrong, Tony. You're so wrong it frustrates me. You're one of us, more than a teammate, a friend, whatever word you want to use, you're more than that Tony. You make us all work and you hold us together, all the little things you do, you have a different relationship with us all that only you could have with every individual. So stop thinking you're dispensable. You're the exact opposite Tony, you just don't see it."


End file.
